GO BACK ???

CONFUSION: Ive been dabbling in about nothing lately, everything I was doing over the summer (any progress I made - guitar, cardio, working the md section :-D ) have ceased upon me, and I want to blame everyone, but Im fully aware that I am responsible for wahtever that happens to me. If I look for things, I cant get upset once I find them... so figured, I should just move ahead. At times I feel like Im a coward that needs someone to be there whether or not they've done anything in my life, just so I know I can fall on them when shit crumbles. Its funny cos I look back, and ppl were there, but werent there (actually) but I assumed they were there and that helped me feel better about things. I was never a shiny star, but I did have my moments under the light, and they were possible because I thought I had a loved one behind me. Ive been feeling homesick, since december, and Im starting to realize the true motives behind my weekend visits to houston. I actually dont have any except for seeing my loved ones. Its hard at times, like right now... when Ive got two exams tomorrow, and Im just sleepy cos I worked out late in the day and then I cooked 6 chicken breasts (or else they would expire) at one sitting. I want to let everything crumble so I have a legitemate reason to move back home. I sound insane... but I think subconsciously have begun walkin such road. I love being 20 minutes from home. Im not quite fond of living at home with my parents, but Im very fond of seeing my mom. She tries very hard to make me happy. She's got her imperfections (hilarious mess-ups) but she tries very hard. I know very few women like her. My dad, is another thing...the man works day in day out to provide for the family. He has thinned down alot, and Im worried about his health. He'll laugh it off like its not apparent. Then I notice that I take the back seat as soon as he starts inquiring about academics. I just wish they knew that I am not that smart... im actually very dumb, tired, bored, stressed, and dumb. I just want to be their little eraz again, i want room for error. I miss them none-the less. I know I am going to change something next semester.If itsnt my area code, it'll be my apartment. I honestly think I just need to start new somewhere else. Somewhere with more furniture :-D Go back to Melrose ??? maybe...