WASTING TIME
Hmmm so I waste alot of time. I have been awake for a while, and wasted a good 60 bux so far at walmart(I didnt waste money on the folding table though, thats an investment). I am currently looking at Quantum cow's website, and possibly will be heading their way soon enough. I do need to prep for the cal exam I skipped and also have physics tutoring later at 10.
Anyways, Im gonna go take care of some things.
Im having a real hard time sitting still and studying some cal. Its not like I have something bothering me, I just feel like doing nothing at all. I skipped my work out today, both times. I dont know what Im waiting on. Currently Im listening to Mr Brightside. It used to remind me of her, and now it reminds me of someone else. Im not sure if Im jealous, or if I miss her even. I just want everything to get out of my head. Ive been feeling alone lately. Its ironic, cos I like being along, but lately its just been weighing me down. I feel as all that I am close to live 100's of miles away and the distance just keeps getting bigger everytime I look. I actually have been missing my family, which has changed into a double edged sword. I miss them on one hand, but feel horribly suffocated from guilt when Im around them. Im not sure what I want any more. Ive been wanting to just let go and shatter into whatever it is that is keeping me standing. I do want to leave college station. I miss the ocean. I miss the small,not complicated life. I miss seeing my neice grow up. I miss the ppl I once knew.
Recently I realized, I'll never be able to play in the dirt again. Nor will I ever have the same fun I used to have with a bottle cap. Ive become super lazy. I am not sure if Im making up excuses, or if I truly have something that is wrong with me. Have I burnt out already??? Who motivated me all this time ??? I know it wasnt a what... it had to be a who... hmmm
Honestly, haha I think I know. It was her.When she came back into my life 4 years ago, I started to give a damn once again. But I know I cant have her back cos she's gone, and all that is left is something that resembles her. Im such a coward now that I cant even tell her how I feel. Ive fucked things up so much cos I thought I wanted something else, or may be cos I knew that she's gone, and will never be the same to me. Im being very vague... I should use letters for names or something...
Anyways, Im gonna go take care of some things.
Im having a real hard time sitting still and studying some cal. Its not like I have something bothering me, I just feel like doing nothing at all. I skipped my work out today, both times. I dont know what Im waiting on. Currently Im listening to Mr Brightside. It used to remind me of her, and now it reminds me of someone else. Im not sure if Im jealous, or if I miss her even. I just want everything to get out of my head. Ive been feeling alone lately. Its ironic, cos I like being along, but lately its just been weighing me down. I feel as all that I am close to live 100's of miles away and the distance just keeps getting bigger everytime I look. I actually have been missing my family, which has changed into a double edged sword. I miss them on one hand, but feel horribly suffocated from guilt when Im around them. Im not sure what I want any more. Ive been wanting to just let go and shatter into whatever it is that is keeping me standing. I do want to leave college station. I miss the ocean. I miss the small,not complicated life. I miss seeing my neice grow up. I miss the ppl I once knew.
Recently I realized, I'll never be able to play in the dirt again. Nor will I ever have the same fun I used to have with a bottle cap. Ive become super lazy. I am not sure if Im making up excuses, or if I truly have something that is wrong with me. Have I burnt out already??? Who motivated me all this time ??? I know it wasnt a what... it had to be a who... hmmm
Honestly, haha I think I know. It was her.When she came back into my life 4 years ago, I started to give a damn once again. But I know I cant have her back cos she's gone, and all that is left is something that resembles her. Im such a coward now that I cant even tell her how I feel. Ive fucked things up so much cos I thought I wanted something else, or may be cos I knew that she's gone, and will never be the same to me. Im being very vague... I should use letters for names or something...
posted by eraz at 2:35 PM
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